Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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