well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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