office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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