At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
