I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
