even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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