Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
