batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
