I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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