just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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