After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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