Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
