Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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