How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
