don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
