ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
