Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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