All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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