And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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