I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
