Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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