Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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