pop tarts are not kleenex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
