I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
