She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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