I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
