she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
