Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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