Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
