Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
