Heybabeimwearingurpanties
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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