I wish I could teleport
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
