He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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