i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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