She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
