Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
