Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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