Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
