Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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