I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
