i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
