THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
