Soap is not a condiment
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Pooping to opera.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
