You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
