So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
