So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
