Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
