so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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