Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
