my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
