I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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