Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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