All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
