Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
