were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
